Day Twenty-Eight: Sauce Of Annoyance

If you think about it, condiments are pretty disgusting really.  It’s like you have a nice meal, and then you decide what would improve it is a blob of processed thick liquid.  Ketchup, or tomato sauce, is slightly alarming in the way it does not taste anything like a tomato, and mayonnaise is ‘an emulsion of oil and egg yoke.’  I don’t know about you, but the word ‘emulsion’ doesn’t scream ‘delicious’ to me.  On the other hand, weird concept aside, they do tend to improve everything.  I’m a big advocate of salad cream, and would say it was severely underrated.  I would recommend it as an alternative to mayo, but when I looked it up on Wikipedia the description was even worse:

‘creamy yellow condiment based on an emulsion of about 25-50 percent of oil in water, emulsified by egg yolk and acidified by spirit vinegar’


I’ve got a lot of coursework to ketchup on this week, and I real mustard start going to the library for longer hours.  It’s difficult though, because we all just want to relish our last few weeks at uni, and as hummusanity students we don’t have many contact hours, soy if someone mentions going out we mayo say yes before we think about it.  I’ve got in a right pickle trying to balance a social life with work.  It’s getting pesto the point of acceptable now though, and I don’t want to fall any more beheinz, so I will be more sensible from now on.  It would be annoying tabascolly waste my degree for a few fun nights out.  It wasabit silly of me to not decide this sooner.  If I stop going out, I’ll save more money too, and I’m savin egarly for my holiday next month.


As I left my house this morning, I was bombarded with a white, powdery condiment, and was quite seriously harmed.

I thought, ‘Surely this is some form of a salt?’


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