Day Twenty-One: What Am I Tolkien About?

I’d like to take this opportunity to clear something up.  I am just under 5 foot  1 inch, which I recognise is really short.  It is really short, but it does not make me a hobbit.  I want to point this out, as judging by the amount of people that have made the comparison over the last ten years of my life, it’s something that causes a lot of confusion.  The average height of a hobbit is three foot six inches, a good foot and a half smaller than me.  Hobbits are very shy and agile, I am very noisy and clumsy.   Hobbits have big feet with thick curly hair and never wear shoes; I have average sized, hairless feet, and enjoy a good shoe.  In fact, the only real similarities I see between myself and hobbits are our love of food, and our inability to grow beards.  We also share these traits with sharks and snakes, but I’ve never been compared to either of them. 

Bit orcward, but the only time I’ve ever been on T.V, I was dressed as an elf.  There’s an annual Lord of the Rings convention in my hometown, and when we were about twelve, my friend and I decided to dress up for the occasion.  We were just going to pippin, but the entrance fee was so high we ended up there the whole day.  I was feeling a bit shire (I kept biting my nails which was a bad hobbit I had back then, I’ve stopped now mordor less) but we had a look round at all the stalls and cheered up.  We were just goblin down some lunch when a local news team came over and asked if they could boro mir quickly.  I was supposed to walk by myelf across a bridge while the reporter introduced the event.  They took ages to set up and the day was really starting to drag on.  They didn’t gimli any warning as to when they would start filming so I turned to my friend and said ‘Ar, wen am I supposed to walk?’ but she didn’t know either.  I missed my cue and the camera guys got annoyed.  The presenter was angry too and she lobbed her microphone at the sound man; I reckon she’s pretty aragornt.  They were quite rude, and it wasn’t as if I was baggin to be filmed.  I don’t think I made the final cut, fro don’t go looking for the video online. I’m glad rielly as it was fairly embarrassing.

I trust that this blog has cleared up any confusion.  Here is a joke about a hobbit, which once again, is not a race I belong to.

How did the hobbit ruin the boxing match?

He tried to destroy the ring.

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