Today, probably for the first time since the great stomach bug of ’97, I skipped breakfast. I have a lot of friends that are always forgetting to eat in the morning, or feel too sick to eat when they wake up, or just don’t fancy breakfast for other reasons. Until today, I had thought they just had different metabolisms to me, after today, I think they are brave and valiant heroes. How do people do this on a regular basis? I felt like I was going to keel over by the time I got to uni. I was searching for pictures of cakes on Google by half past ten in a famished frenzy. I tried to eat my arm. I tried to eat my friends. At lunch I nearly cried with happiness.
I really hate dieting. But I did bring it on myself. Due to recent events outlined below, I feel it’s probably necessary for me to cut back a little on my food intake. But I am NOT skipping breakfast again, for the safety of the more edible-looking people around me as much as anything else:
Omelette you in on a secret. Yesterday Rosie and I not only went for a two course pub lunch, but ordered pizza as well. You might currently be thinking ‘I never sausage greediness!’, but before you judge us too harshly, let me set the scene. We’d both had crepe weeks, with loads of work to do, sitting in the library reading through lots of waffle, wondering what our lives were coming too and pancaking about the future. It was cerealsy yokes and I eggspect next week will be just as stressful. As we were croissant weary from the week, on Sunday we went out into the frostie midday sun, kraveing carbs. After we’d finished the first course, we didn’t have mushroom left, but like champignons managed to squeeze in pudding as well, which was toastally amazing. Although it was really good, after weeks of these sorts of escapades, it’s hardly bageling that I feel a bit chubbier, so whilst muesling over my recent decisions, I decided to try and be much healthier. I’m certainly not going for a yog – hurts too much. Hopefully in the week ahead, I’ll eat less and get bacon track, butter I’m not making any promises.
Here’s a joke:
I was trying to assemble this really difficult jigsaw the other day, according to the picture on the box it was supposed to be a tiger, but I just couldn’t even find a way to begin. I called my friend to come round and help me, he looked at the pieces scattered across the table and then looked at the box. The he turned to me and says ‘First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.’ I must have looked dejected, because he put a hand on my arm and said ‘Let’s sit down, have a cup of tea, and then put all these Frosties back in the box’