Do you ever have one of those sad, vulnerable days where you just really wish you had a sheep? I do. A sheep just seems like the ultimate companion. I’ve had pets before; two rabbits, which still remain in my list of top-ten-living things, may they rest in peace, and two mice which I became decidedly less attached to after one bled to death, while the other JUST STOOD AND WATCHED.
I wanted at this point to list all the good things about having a sheep as a pet. But then I consulted Google. With the search term ‘Benefits of Sheep’ I was directed to a page entitled ‘What are the benefits of sheep placenta’, a revealing website that disturbed me so much that I’m just going to have to go straight on to puns. I’ve attached a picture of a sheep though, so that you can see for yourself. The anecdote below, though depressingly true, has nothing to do with sheep whatsoever, but disappointingly I have no recent stories about sheep.
I don’t know how many people reading this know the Eweniversity of East Anglia’s Library, but for those that don’t, there are some really annoying revolving doors. It’s mutton to do with how slow they go round, but what’s irritating is the way people are always trying to ram themselves in your segment. It’s big enough for one only, there’s no point trying to flock through. It’s downright awkward for everyone involved. So one rainy day I jumped into a section of the door, braying that nobody would try and join me, when my foot decided to go for a journey all on its own: I slipped up and ended up in some kind of jazz splits position on the lambinate floor. Humiliated I was faced with two options; try and do a ewe turn, or through shear determination force myself through the door in this position. I went for the first option, which baa the way, was pretty tricky to manoeuvre as I was shaking so much from embaaarassment, my heart bleating far too fast. Red faced and sheepish I tried to do that thing where you laugh a lot to show everyone you’re okay with what just happened, when really you’re a little bit worried that you’ll need therapy to get over it. But I suppose, all’s wool that ends wool.
Joke for the day:
A man was at the cinema to watch a film, and turned to the person beside him, which he realised with surprise, was a sheep.
‘Are you a sheep?’ He asked.
‘Yes,’ replied the sheep.
‘What are you doing watching a film at the cinema?’
The sheep replied, ‘well…I liked the book.’