A long time ago, I went to the gym. It’s a frightening place, full of people I have nothing in common with. Healthy people. People that enjoy exercising. I haven’t been to the gym for goodness knows how long, but I did go for three, very short, jogs last week. I’d originally intended to have some kind of forty day blog, forty day jog combo, because I liked the way it sounded. I liked the way it sounded, but not the way it felt. After I realised my ‘you’re getting fat’ demons could be silenced by just tilting my mirror at a more flattering angle, I decided there was no point carrying on. I can’t see my face in it now, but my legs do look thinner.
I imagine that someone who was a more regular attendee at a gym wouldn’t have had to spend as long as I just did searching Wikipedia for things that were in one. I’d compiled a list of four things to pun about, and after staring at it for a little while, came to the conclusion that there must be other things associated with exercise. Turns out there are loads. They all sound like synonyms of ‘agony’ to me.
The other day Alice and I tried to do an exercise video in our living room. We wanted, biceptember, to have got a lot fitter. While we were weighting for it to load, I went to get some water, but when I turned the tap on it exploded everywhere. I couldn’t workout what was rowing on, and the kitchen was getting really sweat. I tried to pulley the tap a bit, but there was a horrible crunch, and an abdominal smell came out of the drain. I went to push it back, but it now wouldn’t fitness I held it there. I opened the door to let the room aerobic, and decided to just whack the kettle on instead. I made us both cuppas, and we went back to the living room, careful not to spilates. I accidentally dripped a bit onto the floor, and we had to be cautious not to treadmillk into the carpet. Then, Alice’s aunt called her, but while she was on the phone, the video finally loaded, so I shouted to Allie ‘Can you endurance phone-call please because we need to do some exercise!’. We stood, ready to experience the pain, knowing there was no turning bike. I agree that it didn’t go to plan, and we could have done better, but you still muscle come round sometime and join us.
I went to the gym the other day, to try out the new machine they have. I only used it for about half an hour though because I started to feel really sick.
Still, it’s really good. It’s got KitKats, Mars Bars, Galaxys, Crisps…