Day Nine: Wear do I get these from?

The word ‘stunning’ is used far too liberally on Ebay.  According to the Oxford English Dictionary, the word’s meaning in the context of aesthetics is ‘of a strikingly attractive appearance’.  It cannot, therefore, be used in the descriptions ‘stunning spangly yellow midi-dress’ or ‘stunning thigh-high leopard print boots.’  You don’t need to look at the photos to know that the word ‘stunning’ in this context is fundamentally a lie.  I think Ebay users also need to look up the word vintage, as in ‘second hard garments originating from a previous era’ and not as in ‘BNWT vintage primark jeggings’.  These complaints aside, I really do like Ebay.  It’s like Facebook, except instead of people proclaiming the trials and tribulations of their lives through statuses, they do it in subtle hints in the descriptions like  ‘Label says 16 but I’d say it was more like 12-14’ (Translation: I’ve got a bit fat ) or ‘Please check out all my other items – I’m having a clear out’ (Translation: I’m having financial difficulties) or ‘I’ve also got loads of great men’s clothes for sale’ (Translation:  My boyfriend dumped me and I want to get something out of it before he comes back and collects his stuff).

Inspired by Saturday’s guest punner, I will be ranting about something completely unrelated to clothes, whilst still punning about them.  This is a very efficient way to complain about more things.

It’s more and more difficult to get into clubs.  Lacoste of entry is so high; I’m not tights, but sometimes I just can’t shoes whether it’s worth it or not, I really think they’re trying to fleece me.  If you’re going along for a night out with a sockciety, it’s generally easier to get in because it’s organised, button the other hand, the bouncer thinks the fact there’s a big group of you getting bonnet means you’ll be trouble.  I don’t know hoody thinks he is, believing he can decide who comes into the club.  One time, I was with nearly 50 people and we thought he was going to send us home, but in the end he stilletos in.  It’s really annoying when you finally get in, and discover that some of the rooms are clothed, or it’s just full of really drunk people who are completely outfit.  Sometimes, I think going home is for the vest, because the club’s so rubbish I’d have gloved not to have come out at all.  Dancing to tearable music is just sarong, and when you’re a shorts person, it’s easy to get squashed in the crowd.  Some girls can be britches and deliberately slippers up; I try and look stern but ‘intimidating’ doesn’t suit me. Maybe staying out late just isn’t in my jeans, it’s an issue I need to address, but sometimes my favourite bit of the night is when I collar taxi to go home.  I get so excited when we pullover at my house, and can’t wait to get inside.

What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

A tire.

Also, incidentally, if you want to purchase any of the Ebay items I have for sale, my account is emily2352010.  By the way, lots of the stuff on there says it’s a size 8 but I’d say it was more like 4-6.

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